When Fran sat down with me, she took out highlighted note cards and paper (her “organized mess”) in the hopes of being organized. Though she discussed everything she hoped to (& no, not in chronological order!), the Holy Spirit had other plans for our conversation...4.5 hours later, I gained a sister and dear friend in Christ!
Fran had “a good childhood,” yet “wasn’t raised in the church.” She was born in Newton Hospital in Sussex County, NJ, and shortly after, her family moved to Pine Island, NY. She had 2 loving, hard working parents, is the oldest of four (1 sister, 2 brothers) and proudly says, “and my siblings and I have the same 2 parents.” During her senior year of HS, Fran met a “man” 7 years older than her, who paid her all the attention in the world despite her self-described low self-esteem and insecurity. “I thought I was in love...I just wanted to spend every waking moment with him.” Academically, she held her own but between her infatuation with this man and the fact that she was bullied at school for her weight, she dropped out of HS just a few months shy of graduation to move in with him.
At the age of 19, Fran became pregnant. She gave birth to her 1st son Peter [Petey] in 1996 and her 2nd son Shane in 1999. In between births, Fran went back to school and received her HS Diploma. For 8 years they had an on again, off again so-called “relationship” but never married. She goes on to say, “At this point in time...I didn’t know the Lord...I guess the best way to describe life [before Christ] was that I had no purpose...I was...going through the motions of life. No goals. I wasn't unhappy, but I didn't have joy; I didn't have peace, but I didn't know any other way either...I was probably a lot more selfish then...no, not probably, I WAS more selfish back then.”
Fran shares, “The relationship wasn’t always bad, but he was [towards the end] becoming more and more jealous, controlling, possessive, and verbally abusive... I just didn't feel like he really respected me.... It definitely wasn’t the relationship I had thought. I...[set] no boundaries. I guess I just accepted abuse and allowed people to disrespect me.” The relationship ended in 2002. When Fran met someone new her ex got “really physical” with her, but she adds... “it was a one-time incident.”
Her sons were 6 and 3 when she met her new boyfriend at work. Like before, he paid her “lots of attention,” and in less than 2 months he moved in with her. “...I was oblivious to the fact that he was a heroin addict. I had...no idea. Which is so silly to me today, because looking back I really should have. I feel like I should have known, but I didn't. And I soon became a heroin addict myself. I started leaving my kids at my mom's house...leaving them there for a couple of hours, then...for days, [till] I just stopped coming around altogether. Then I lost my apartment...their dad stepped up and did the right thing; he came and took them, took care of them which I'm really grateful for because I could have lost them to the system. So regardless of my thoughts about him, he did do the right thing...” The Lord truly protected Fran as a mother because despite her struggles, the boys’ father never turned the boys against her. Her parents remained involved in their lives and cared for them on weekends. Fran states, “They were all doing MY job.”
By 2003, Fran stopped seeing her family altogether. She describes this time in her life as “just a blur.” “When you're an addict, you just...you lose everything, it takes everything from you...I lost my apartment, pretty much my kids. At that point, when I stopped coming around...I lost my family temporarily also.” At first, Fran and her boyfriend lived in her car, driving from town to town, parking in different lots. She recalls a time when they spent their entire $6k+ income-tax return on heroin. Fran left one job for another, but lost that job soon after, which led to losing her car insurance and registration...and before long, warrants for her arrest. The police knew Fran and her boyfriend were addicts with active warrants. They’d look for them at her parents’ house and her sister’s house. Eventually, they were caught during one of many “routine traffic stops.” Her car was impounded, Fran was arrested, and just like that, they were homeless. This incarceration (one of a several) was “fun” to Fran. She and her cellmates compared war stories, played cards, discussed where to get drugs once they got out. Sometimes she was held for hours, sometimes for weeks.
Someone in her family always bailed her out; so, when she was bailed out in 2003, She didn’t go home - her and her boyfriend chose to stay homeless, taking the bus back and forth to Paterson to get drugs until they moved there. As Fran puts it, “We figured if we’re homeless up here...taking buses down there every day to get our drugs, we might as well just move down there.” Looking back, Fran can’t believe, as ridiculous as it sounds to her, but she actually did less drugs after moving to Paterson. It made no sense to her, but she confesses it certainly was a blessing, as she strongly believes that Paterson is where God saved her life.
Fran and her boyfriend sought out other homeless individuals who “showed [her] the ropes.” Fran said, “I had no idea; I've never been homeless before...was a very new and strange way of living for me.” She recalls, “...once we slept on a loading dock outside of this factory. And everyone had blankets and pillows and covered up with plastic when it rained.... Everybody just lined up on the loading dock...slept alongside each other. Then very early in the morning before the factory opened, we’d get up...clean our stuff up and hide it for the day...in the woods, behind a dumpster or wherever we could hide it.”
Without a job, how does one pay for drugs? Well, they panhandled, and sometimes they’d resort to things that were “dishonest. “You do what you have to do to survive.” She speaks. And goes on to say, “I didn’t to the dishonest things myself...it was a matter of waiting down the street for my boyfriend to go do his thing. He took care of me and protected me...but he always made sure that I had my drugs too.” They’d go to soup kitchens for meals. And that was her life for most of 2003.
If you recall in Dave’s testimony, I mentioned how someone always seems to come into one’s life, says/sees something in you, that when you look back you can see how the hand of God worked in your life through that person. For Fran, this happened around Thanksgiving of 2003. While sitting on a park bench, a lady walked up to them and invited them to a Thanksgiving dinner at her church. But they traveled to Sussex County instead to spend the holiday with his parents. Upon returning to Paterson, it was extremely cold. Fran remembered the name of the church the woman invited them to, so they decided to go. They spoke to the pastor of The Gathering Place Church, and he invited them in to warm up. Fran shared with him that the following day, Dec 4th, was her birthday. He says, “well, I'll tell you what, you come back tomorrow and [we’ll] have some birthday cake. And so...do you know...the following day we came back, and they had a birthday cake. They had gifts for me...was just a nice time...they made you feel...(crying)...like you were important.” The church allowed them to stay in their basement, and eventually opened it to the homeless community, which led to the start of Jericho Road Ministries! It is still in operation today, as a men’s shelter. And to think this Ministry all started with Fran and her boyfriend, and that lady who invited them for a Thanksgiving meal. There are no coincidences...it’s ALL the hand of GOD!
To stay at this shelter, you had to abstain from drugs, and were required to go to church. Between church, bible study, and midweek service, they were kept busy. However, it was challenging to stay clean, as Fran states, “You’re in Paterson, drugs are all over the place.” They were so accessible that one woman at the shelter had drugs delivered to the church and would give Fran what she needed... “My [so-called] ‘wake-up drugs,’ so that I wasn't sick, could get out of bed and perform during the day. So yes, it was really hard to stay clean...very hard to abstain because they were getting delivered to me...it was like a drug addict's dream.” Fran would even wash everyone’s laundry because they would “thank” her with drugs. As the shelter grew, the Church filed for and obtained the necessary licenses to become an “Official Organization,” which led to a tightening of rules. Fran’s boyfriend was eventually kicked out for breaking those rules, but he “URGED” Fran to stay, which she did. She would see him during the day, and return by curfew, until one day he was “held-up,” stripped naked, robbed of his drugs and left to the curb. He decided to turn himself in and take care of his warrants. Fran says, “He just left me down there, which was a blessing because I no longer worried about him out on the streets while I was in a nice warm shelter.”
After New Year’s Eve of 2004, the shelter did a random drug-test knowing that many would’ve been partying the night before. Fran failed, and the shelter could have kicked her out, but instead... “They brought me in the office and had a talk with me. They said they didn't want me to leave, but they couldn't keep accepting that behavior. That they...needed to make an example out of me. Cause, you know, I’d been there from the beginning...and I was trying to be a good example for everyone else. So, I went to detox.”
Fran openly shares that even after detox, she relapsed, several times in fact. At this point, even though it was not the end her drug abuse, she was aware of the need to change and the seed of desire to do so was “germinating within.” Those around her began to trust her, so much so that the pastor had her clean his office and welcomed her around his family. Through the shelter she got back in touch with her family when she was encouraged to write them a letter. Her family had not heard from her after her move to Patterson and didn’t know if she was even alive. They were joyfully glad to not only hear from her but know she was safe and off the streets.
Fran was incarcerated again, but this time was completely different from the one in 2003. It wasn’t fun; she requested a bible (which she still has to this day), stayed alone in her cell the entire time and prayed. Why the difference? She met Jesus in between! Early 2004, her parents, along with her boys, began visiting Fran at the shelter. They’d take her home for weekends and on special occasions. Fran’s parents were so giving; her dad worked for a home food delivery service and he and her mom would donate food to the entire shelter!
Fran was concerned about going back to Sussex County as she had outstanding warrants. Although they were for traffic violations, the head of the shelter drove to Vernon, NJ and spoke on her behalf to the court system. The judge agreed Fran could do community service at The Gathering Place Church, where she continued to clean the sanctuary, the pastor's office, wash everyone's clothing, etc. “By the time I left the shelter, the pastor and his wife trusted me enough to babysit their children. So, I mean, I was making good progress, it was just becoming harder and harder to be around drugs; new people always coming in that obviously were not in recovery yet.” Fran was conflicted because she knew she needed to get out of that environment to stay clean; she knew, without question, she wanted to go home to her boys, but she was involved in the church, was baptized there, was giving her testimony to the youth...she was “putting down roots.” And she felt she wasn’t fully in recovery. However, she did go home to her family that summer, 2004. Her boys continued to live with their dad and Fran saw them often. She remained on and off with her boyfriend; never touched heroin again and he never pressured her, but once they broke up, Fran began drinking. She says, “He started dating someone else. So, all I did at that point was drink. Then I was doing other drugs too. And it was...justifying my recovery...[thinking] as long as I'm not doing heroin, I’m good. I was a heroin addict. So that means any other drug’s okay. But all I was doing was substituting one addiction for another.”
From 2006-2011, Fran’s life consisted of working in fast food and going to bars afterwards. She sighs, saying, “...takes your body a long time to recover from addiction. And the homeless life is a traumatic life. Even if you maintain and survive...you see things, hear things, do things...you constantly remember certain things, you have a lot of regret, and gosh, I wasn’t brought up to live that way...{so that just shows how God works, because} a lot of people are under the misconception that all homeless drug addicts have like a huge trauma or they were abused or... [came from]...broken families. That's not true, not true. Addiction can get anybody and take you down, doesn't matter. You can have a great life. Like I said, I had two loving parents still married to each other [I didn’t come from a broken home] ...There was no trauma...it's...you just meet a certain person and life just go sideways. And it goes really quick. It was really quick, and you lose stuff really quick. And for as quick as I lost everything, it sure took a long time to get it back...a long time.”
Fran worked for a time at KFC with the goal of getting out of fast food, which she did by taking a job at Walmart. While working there, Fran decided to go to college. She applied to SCCC for the fall of 2011. She excelled on her placement test, but jokes, “...all except for algebra...letters don’t belong in math.” She started college and LOVED it.
And then, her world shattered. That November (2011), Petey was having issues with his leg. They were told it was probably a sprain from a basketball injury, but they would send him for further testing. Petey was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, an aggressive form of cancer. Fran says she “quit” college, (I say she “left” college) to take care of her son and was awarded full custody of Petey. He moved in with her and her parents and spent their days with hospital visits and chemotherapy. However, the tumor grew so big that it broke his femur, and his leg was amputated in the Spring of 2012. He was then transferred to Children's Specialized Hospital in New Brunswick for a month of physical therapy, to learn how to walk again. After returning home, 2012 remained filled with tests and chemotherapy. The Lord did bring some joy to their lives that year - Petey attended a 1-week summer camp for sick kids and a friend of Fran’s at that time fundraised a five-day trip to Disney ... “so we made some nice memories.”
Fran also tried to “quit” her job but praise God they said, “No...but you can take a [family] “leave” instead!” They saved her position and with the help of donations from good-hearted people and by living with her parents, she was able to stay with Petey throughout his entire illness.
I asked Fran, “At this point, where were you on your faith journey?” She replied, “It wasn't the full relationship that I have now with God, but I believed in Him...I trusted God, but I didn't really get it...I didn't understand the relationship part of it...I thought it was a...you prayed and got what you wanted kind of thing.” And so, one day while in the hospital, while praying and listening to praise and worship music, she felt a hand on hers and then a hand gently touching/pushing her forehead when her heart heard God say, “don't worry, he's gonna be okay. I interpreted that as he is going to be healed. That he was going to be okay...but I really didn’t get it yet.”
On Friday, October 12th, 2012, Petey was having trouble breathing and was admitted to the hospital. It is with a heavy heart that I write...the following morning, October 13, 2012, Petey passed away at the age of 16. Fran shares how grateful she was to be there with him through it all, and to have her mother there with them. I pointed out to Fran that earlier in our conversation she mentioned having past regrets, but there were NONE when it came to this.
God used Paterson to prepare Fran; to be strong enough for the journey she would have to endure with her son and his illness. She adds, “And thank God...He got me in recovery before Petey got sick.” But the enemy tried to infiltrate her thoughts. She cries, “I thought God was punishing me for my drug addiction. So, I got really angry with him. I said how could you take him from me? When I prayed to you - you told me he was gonna be okay.”
Shortly after Petey’s passing, Fran returned to work, moved into an apartment, and went back to school. In March of 2013, Fran was offered an assistant manager position at KFC for better pay. On her very 1st day, she met a guy [Joe] who worked there. They bonded quickly, and that May they began dating. In 2015, Shane’s dad was having personal issues and he granted Fran full custody. By late 2015, she and Joe were engaged. Her apartment complex was low-income housing, and since she no longer qualified to stay, that December the 3 of them temporarily moved in with her parents so they could save money for their own place. But Joe struggled with alcohol, which caused relationship problems. Fran sees the pattern of her unhealthy relationships, saying “I always seem to find the ones I think I can fix.” The following February she returned to Walmart when she was offered an office position, (where she works still to this day.)
Fran remained angry at God. She said told Him, “I’m still mad at you so I’m not going to church, I’m in control...So [she] thought.” One day while working the customer service desk, Patricia Tino, a member of CFFC inquired about receiving a discount on clothes she wanted to purchase for a homeless woman. While Fran was waiting for approval from her boss, she began to share her story with Patricia. Patricia invited her to an “In-Him Recovery Program” at CFFC that she and her husband Hank (God rest his soul) led. This program is designed for anyone with any stronghold that keeps one from having a relationship with the Lord. Although Fran no longer drank nor did drugs; she was grieving, had serious codependency issues, and severe anxiety to the point that she was paranoid to answer the phone, get the mail, or get in a car because she believed it would all end bad.
This program was life changing for Fran. “I learned...that nothing bad comes from God; to the point that I felt like I needed to make amends to God because I was so mad at Him and it wasn’t even Him...I really misinterpreted that message back then because God didn’t lie, Petey is ok, just not down here where I wanted him.” She had a dream of Petey in heaven; he had both his legs and was smiling at her. He told her he was happy and not to worry as there was nothing else, she could have done.
At this time, Joe was going with her to church. But in May 2016, they moved into their own apartment, and he not only stopped going to church, but was drinking excessively to the point that they postponed the wedding. Fran kicked him out on July 31st and had to file for a restraining order after he choked her. Fran shares with me that if it wasn’t for Patricia, the “In Him Recovery” program and CFFCh, she would not have been so strong through it all. Patricia encouraged her to stand her ground and pray, she even went to court with Fran. The group discussion during that time just so happened to be about setting healthy boundaries, what it means to have healthy relationships, and above all, what it means to have a relationship with Christ.
While Joe was living in a motel, the two began to speak again, then see each other...they were back together but she wasn’t ready to let him come home. That God-gut inner voice...told her something felt off.... sure enough, his drinking was so excessive, she told him, “...If you don’t wanna meet me half-way, I can’t help/get you clean and sober.” He’d call, he’d text, begging her to talk/see him but she didn’t answer. On December 16th, 2016, she got a call that he’d hung himself. Although she was filled with guilt, she knows his suicide wasn’t her fault.
Then in January 2017, her dad was diagnosed with cancer; he died June 4, 2017, at the age of 64. Fran shares she was at peace with her father’s death; “...he wasn’t my 16 yr. old son; he wasn’t my fiancé...your parents are supposed to go before you...he was the best person I ever knew.” While she had more than her share to process in this short amount of time, God, her mom, the Tinos, her church family, and grief counselor were her strength. Patricia and Hank were a huge part of who Fran is today! They too saw something in her! Fran was baptized a 2nd time which was special because she understood more!
So where is Fran now?
“My biggest thing right now, in my life, that I concentrate on, is making sure that I am very intentional about God being first. And that's something I've never done before.”
She no longer drinks, smokes, does drugs...no longer suffers from codependency, anxiety, and has found peace in past loss and grief. She reflects back on her life, stating “I could have gotten jail time...I could have lost my kids. I could have had drug charges. I could have hurt somebody.” She recalled a time when she drove under the influence; she remembers driving down the highway...cars coming at her, beeping their horns because she was in the wrong lane, on the wrong side of the highway, going in the wrong direction...so many things could have happened. BUT GOD...they did not!
“Through it all, I ALWAYS had HOPE, ALWAYS. And I know that was God...and I love spreading hope, I love people, I love the word hope...I realized that I always had hope...I just didn't realize that it came from God...I didn't give Him the credit. And He keeps giving me Ephesians 2:10, ‘for we are God's masterpiece created in Jesus Christ to do good works, which God prepared in advance.’ That’s the scripture that I'm really standing on for Zimbabwe (a mission trip she will be going on this Fall).” That and Psalm 25:5, ‘guide me in your truth and teach me; for you are God my Savior, my hope is in you all day long.” Plus, this summer (2022) Fran will become a licensed Chaplain!
Fran believes, without question, that without all the horrible things that happened from 2003 on... “I wouldn't have had so much to be thankful for...to appreciate what God did. I didn't know back then how much He really watched out for me. I could have had drug charges; I could have had my children taken away from me...God was protecting me...He kept me safe.” She looks back and gives the glory to Him; knowing with certainty that He was with her all along, protecting and keeping her safe.
Hope endures yes, but Fran’s story spoke something else to me:
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
The unconditional love parents had for their lost daughter, the unconditional love a mom has for her sons through sickness and in health.... which ALL stems from the Unconditional Love God has for ALL of us, His Children!
Fran, on your birthday in 2003 you mentioned that the Gathering Place Church made you “feel” important...I pray you know that you “ARE” important, to Shane, your family, your church family but most especially to God. For we are created in His image and likeness, so know YOU ARE important, worthy, and righteous in Him.
Oh, and as your new friend and sister in Christ...you ARE important to me too.
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